When a professor tells you that your abstract sounds like a Ph.D proposal, he means to say that you are:
a) brilliant
b) naive  ¶ 15:37

  I have to let Explo know what I'm thinking for Summer 2004 in a few weeks.

I've been really torn lately about whether to stay with the program or to try something new, because really, what could be better than what Explo has to offer? I get a position in the administration, free housing, free food, the advantage of being in New Haven for the summer, $3,500, and the opportunity to change thousands of kids' lives.

A tasty little bonus for Amy in 2004, as offered by the Explo Curriculum Office: My own 3-week course, on environmental policy and law if i so desire, which would integrate New Haven resources into my curriculum.

I've been bombarded with personal emails from my supervisors and such, showering me with compliments for the teaching and administrative abilities that i demonstrated last year.

Yet, I feel like returning to Explo will put me at a disadvantage, and here's an example as to why: when I applied for the Truman Scholarship, I couldn't complete my resume because I lack "internships with government agencies." Will that impact my chances of getting the scholarship? Perhaps. Will my lack of state/federal experience impact future applications? Perhaps.

I'm sorry that i can't afford to pay $6,000 to an internship placement program so that I can be someone's summer coffee slave. I'm sorry that I can't sublet my house in the Hamptons to afford to intern at the State Department. Financially, it's just not going to happen. I'm not going to be able to commit myself to 40 hours a week of free labor, and find housing in DC, and get my ass to work, and feed myself.

I went to the Career Resources Center today, hoping to get some insight. Instead, the advisor referred me to Google to find a job. I left with a piece of paper on which my "guidance" counselor had written, "Government Internships. Connecticut. Google. Job."

I'm not impressed, Wesleyan.

After spending hours of researching summer jobs and internships over the last few weeks, however, I've realized that Explo is as good as it gets. Anyone can pay money in order to say that they interned at the White House. I doubt that President Bush is willing to write them a recommendation, letter, however. At Explo, I've got Harvard Ph.Ds knocking on my door.

So my mind has more or less changed. I emailed Brian, and he recommended that I work for free somewhere, on a campaign, for a lawyer, or an agency, in the month between school and Explo. I think he may be on to something. While he himself skipped working for Explo the summer after his junior year, he was compelled to return after he graduated from college. And he's still back, every summer. I think that says something.

Some people may think it's sick to think about everything in terms of one's resume, but the reality is that you've got to do that, sometimes. I thought that maybe now is the time; perhaps it isn't. Thoughts?  ¶ 19:15