It's five hours past noon, and I've been awake for three. I'm on my fourth round of Wilco and a second cup of tea. It rained today, just as Yaron's aching joints predicted.

But really, it's just rather lonely.

  ¶ 17:20

  so i'm working on a new template for this place.
i got tired of my old one, especially when it got tacky from my fucking around with it.
but, of course, ive not set any time aside to play around with other templates.
if only i had:
-image hosting
-photoshop
-a digital camera
-more time to learn more html
but we're trying, people.
  ¶ 16:20

  "Where's the ego, Miss MVP?"

So said Jay, in our lesson this morning, running around me with a chair held up in front of his face.

There's hardly enough room here to describe his classroom antics in detail; on Tuesday he was dancing around a la savion glover during jazz orchestra to illustrate our exercises around the circles of fourths and fifths. There was also the time last year where he untucked his shirt and tied it around his midrif to imitate diva behavior before our concert.

He's a funny little guy with a really big heart. You can tell just by looking at him that there's so much music inside. He asks people to be quiet when there is no audible noise in the room. He's hearing things no one else ever will. Prodigious.

Back to this morning...

After a year of crisis, most of you are aware that I declared a Comparative Politics major. I love my classes, and I was accepted onto the Government Majors Committee at the end of last year. This summer I taught government-related courses at exploration, which brought me much joy. Due to limited access to practice facilities and very limited free time at work, however, I had to rely on the use of my voice and kazoo to satiate my musical desires. "two guys and a girl" was a big hit on the campus... If you've never sat on stage with a spotlight centered on you as you breathe life into john Hiatt lyrics, you should try it. In front of 600 people.

So, with limited chances to practice this summer, and a schedule filled with government courses, I entered Wesleyan this fall expecting to do music "just for fun." I had tucked away my passion in favor of professionalism this summer. I had even resigned to not take jazz orchestra because I "didn't have time."

Yet, I was itching to go to the Tuesday rehearsal, despite the fact that I can't take the class for credit. I pop my head into the rehearsal hall. Jay sees me, gets excited, chides me for not having sought him out sooner. He asks me to stay. I do. I play.

Afterward, we talk. "People were talking about your singing at the end of last year," he says. "Do you want to do this?"
I do. I do, I do, I absolutely do.

Jay has an agenda for my development as a musician. He constantly nags me to write, to arrange, to practice, to listen.

What better way to nag than to nag for credit?

So, we created a course, and I'm now enrolled in "Music 401: Individual Tutorial." I go to jazz orchestra on Tuesdays, and then Jay and I work one on one another day of the week for a couple of hours on my voice, my solo piano, and my writing.

We do breathing exercises. We work on posture. I've never taken a voice lesson in my life, nor ever learned how to sing "properly." This is utterly new to me.

I'm nervous, despite our friendship. I'm singing with a closed throat because I'm shy. "where's the ego, miss? Is this how you were in basketball? Miss the foul shot, quit the game? You get in there, throw some elbows! Who was your high school rival?"

So now Jay is imitating the Varsity coach for King City High. I can't help laughing when he tries to get in my face, standing on his tip toes. "You need an ego! There's a difference between being humble and being passive."

Here's where he picks up the chair: "You always project this aura, 'you can't see me.' well, Amy, I can see you. And you have a gift. Use it. You could be amazing. It's there, if you want it. So grab it, already. If only we could all be so blessed."

Holy shit, I think to myself. I'm hearing this from Jay Hoggard.

I sing for him, from my soul, with confidence. I want this. He hits the tag on nearness to throw me a loop, and I follow without hesitation. He turns to me and grins.

"I love your phrasing," he tells me.  ¶ 19:48

  yay, alex!  ¶ 14:58